A Retelling of Life

Archive for November, 2018

Grateful and Blessed

I am 38 years old now.  I think I was about 20 when I first made a list of all my dreams.  Through God’s grace, I seem to have achieved it all.  I became a lawyer, travelled the world (having gone to more that 5 countries being my goal) or at least a part of the world , married a good man and became the mom of two precious sons.  I have all that I need, a beautiful family, a house and our own car and a career I love, I am happy and content.  While I know it is time to write down new dreams, my heart is overwhelmed with gratitude for the life I have now.

When I was in highschool, I used to fear the future.  In college, I wrote a lot about death and had a morbid fascination with what lies after this life.  I don’t know what changed my perspective.  All I know is that slowly, life turned out far better than I expected.  Whoever that person may be or whatever that experience may be that turned me towards the direction I am now in, I am thankful.  Thank you Lord for my 38 years.  I pray that you continue to bless me and my family all the days of our lives.  Guide us all that we may live a life pleasing to you. Amen.

In Moments Like These

A feeling of unease, an unsettling in the air.  There are moments like these in one’s life.  Indeed, life is not perfect and when I feel this way, I take comfort in the song “In Moments Like These” by the Maranatha Singers.  Whatever I may be feeling, there is one thing of which I am certain.  The Lord loves me and I love Him.

“In moments like these
I sing out a song
I sing out a love song to Jesus
In moments like these
I lift up my hands
I lift up my hands to the Lord
Singing I love you Lord
Singing I love you Lord
Singing I love you Lord
Singing I love you”

Thank you for your enduring love Lord. I pray that you continue to bless me and my family as we try to live a life pleasing to you. I surrender all my cares and ill feelings to you Lord. Amen.

A Season of Living with the Lord

Yesterday, I flew home at 4’o clock in the morning.  I was so sleepy that despite my clogged nose and itchy throat, I fell asleep the moment I sat on my seat in the plane.  Next thing I knew, we were in flight and the attendants were serving food to us.

Then, my left ear popped.  I could feel it happening, a gradual buildup of pressure in my ear drums until one ear popped.  My hands got clammy.  I felt like it would be a repeat of my July flight experience when my blood pressure went up as 150 over 90.  I calmed myself, prayed, invoked the Lord’s help.  My inside voice talked to my body, assuring it that the worst that could happen was the loss of one ear’s hearing.  There was nothing to fear.  Fortunately, my body listened and I calmed down.  For the rest of the flight I just sang silently, leaning on God’s sustaining grace.

I am turning 38 years old in a few days.  I tell myself that this must be why I have new fears.  The adventurous Valerie who could climb cliffs and dive into waterfalls is gone.   I never used to overthink trips, I never used to consider that something could just go awry.  Now, I do.  I am not as spontaneous as I used to be.  In order to be a better wife and mother I have had to change, I have had to learn to plan, prepare plans B and C.

I worry about this new change but I have to embrace this new me and learn to manage the accompanying side effects of becoming a planner.  I realize now though that even if I become a planner, I should plan keeping in mind that I am not in control of things.  Yes, plan hard and the surrender it all to the Lord knowing that His plans are far better than our own.   As I write this, I take a deep breath.  This is my new mantra, prepare for the worst and expect that the best things are going to happen.

Indeed, all things happen for a reason.  I haven’t written in a long time.  In part, because life has been good.  Mom is in a good place now health-wise.  Daddy too.  I love my job, I can imagine myself doing what I do for a long time.  My little family is all that I have ever prayed for and more.  I have a doting, loving husband, a talkative, creative but stubborn almost 6 year old son and a sweet, precious one year old son.  Life with them is a joy.  We have enough, a house and car that are just right for our needs, dependable helpers plus lolo and lola live next door to us.  I realize now that I shouldn’t abandon this.  This is essential to my emotional health.  So thank you Lord for leading me back to this place of comfort and introspection.

“May the God of peace…equip you with every thing good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever.” Hebrew 13:20-21