A Retelling of Life

musings on life


This month marks the 2nd year anniversary of cancer’s entry into our immediate family.  My mom has been declared cancer free since, but the fear remains.  I have in the recent months developed a fear for lab tests.  I am scared that the big C will touch more lives in our family.  It is a black thought that I constantly and intentionally keep at bay.

My dad is undergoing an MRI now.  Again, we wait with bated breath for the results.  I think positive, surrender all my fears to my friend above, our great healer.  I pray for healing.

My dearest Lord, please bless our family with good health.  Bless us that we may live long and prosper. I surrender our lives, our future, to You. Amen.


A New Chapter

We are together now.  After four years and five months of a long distance marriage, H and I are finally moving in together.  E will grow up in a two-parent home.  Tonight, we will be fixing our new home.  I pray that the Lord will guide us so that we will thrive in our new home.

We left the house we boughtwhen we first found out I was pregnant with Ethan. The house that witnessed the growing pains of a new family.  I will miss our old life, the afternoon walks around our subdivision, the visits to our neighbor’s pet monkeys, birds and iguana.  Santorini-the place where our hopes and dreams were built.

As of June 1, 2015, a new family will be ushered in.  While I am saddened by this change, I too am excited about the direction our life is taking.  H and I are free to build a life together now in each others arms.  Life is good indeed.


The hammering goes on in the next room.  A noisy reminder of how life is a cacophany of sounds.  Like the little boy in August Rush, I have moments when events seem to be set to a musical score.  Some days are magical, a “Walking on Sunshine” kind of day when everything goes well and some days are set in haunting melancholy.

Yesterday, was  a day of victory.  My mom’s PET scan results confirm that she is cancer-free!  I still get teary-eyed when I think of that..”cancer-free”, “cancer-survivor”, these are words are family has been waiting for since that very first day when she was diagnosed with Hodgkins.  It was a “Hallelujah” kind of day.

I write again to express my deep gratitude to our Lord.  I do not know why some survive cancer while some don’t.  That is the mystery of God’s plan for us all.  What I am certain of is this:  the Lord still has a lot of plans for Mommy and for our family.  I now bear witness to the Lord’s mercy and compassion, to the fact that trials are blessings in disguise.  Our family has emerged stronger in faith and in love.  We have sought different ways in dealing with the Big C in the family but all those ways have led us to the realization that in the end, after all the medical treatments, we have one God to turn to, our Divine Healer.

I thank Mama Mary for interceding for Mommy.  After all these years of Christian Doctrine, I now appreciate Mama Mary fully as the Mother of Jesus.  My mom has always looked to Mary as inspiration, and I see in my mom, the great faith, selflessness and humility that exemplified Mama Mary and endeared her to her son, our Lord Jesus Christ.

I pray that the Lord will use me to do His good work on earth.  I am ready Lord.  Thank you for this crazy, beautiful life. Amen.

Sensory Play with E.

I’ve been pinning sensory play ideas for months now. Today, a hundred pins later, I succeeded in giving E a sensory experience that kept him occupied for a good number of minutes. I started off with the most commonplace items you’ll find-rocks. E and I gathered stones of different sizes. After a thorough cleaning ( you never know what lay with the stones), we put it in a Fisher Price table (c/o my thoughtful sis in law) repurposed for this activity. I started off with putting a dino among the rocks. I also placed a little container with water. E started off with putting rocks in the water. Later, when I mentioned that his little Dino must be thirsty, he happily made dino drink water. A little later, he tried to fit frog in the little container, maybe thinking that his frog needed a drink too. Lol. The activity kept him busy for about 15 minutes. I pronounce the activity as a success! 🙂






Sonata In My Mind

Sometimes you come across a movie that stays imprinted in you.  You wake up the following day still feeling the hum of the background sonata reverberating in your mind.   Sonata is one such movie.

I went to watch Sonata with no expectations. I hadn’t read any reviews and all I knew was that it was directed by Peque Gallaga and Lore Reyes and was supposed to be an ode to Negros.  The film got off to a slow start.  In the beginning, I caught myself looking at my watch wondering how many minutes it would take to pick up.  Midway, I was hooked.  The precious friendship between Regina and Jonjon tugged at my heart.  I laughed and cried with the entire audience at the antics of Don Giovanni  and Pinkerton.  The stellar performances of the actors, the breathtaking scenes of Negros and the haunting background music came together to produce a wonderful cinematic experience.  

This is why I go to the movies, to lose myself in someone else’s life and forget my own for a short while, to laugh and cry and feel, to celebrate everything that makes us human.  I don’t think there was a dry eye at the theater last night.  =) Thank you Sonata for a good cry and for reminding us that indeed, it is a beautiful life. 

Becoming The Uncommon Reader

The Uncommon Reader

“The Uncommon Reader” is the first book I’ve heartily enjoyed in ages.  I found myself laughing out loud at the awkward reactions of Her Majesty’s staff to the Queen’s sudden love for reading.  Since Ethan, I haven’t really had the time to read for myself.  I’ve read tons of children’s stories and parenting how to’s but I haven’t gotten stuck in a book as I often was in the good old days.   The Uncommon Reader brought me back to that place, that magical space where only you and your imagination exist.  Indeed, “A book is a device to ignite the imagination.”

And so I’ve decided to resume my reading again.  After all, as noted by the queen, “Books are not about passing time. They’re about other lives. Other worlds. Far from wanting time to pass, one just wishes one had more of it. If one wanted to pass the time one could go to New Zealand.”  Happy Reading! 🙂

Life with Ethan: An Update

My little boy is only 3 months and 7 days old and already I love him with a depth of feeling I never imagined possible.  I am entranced by his little smiles and his quiet coos.  My heart melts when he gazes at me with his adoring little eyes.  When he breaks into a giggle, I feel my heart swell with unconditional love.  I am irreversibly, truly, madly and deeply in love my little bundle of joy.

I realize now that indeed, there is nothing like parenthood.  I am more appreciative of my parents now that I know what they had to go through.  After all, hindsight is 50-50.

Every day I pray that the Lord blesses our little family.  Parenthood it would seem is a long and challending path to navigate and I ask the Lord to guide hubby and me in rearing our little Ethan.  May he grow up to be an intelligent, kind, loving and responsible man who will end up making a difference (the good kind) in the world.


Final Stretch

I’m 30 weeks pregnant!  I imagine him raising his arms and legs, testing them out and discovering what he else he can already do.  Some days I wake up to his little kicks and say a little prayer of thanks to the Lord.  Indeed, pregnancy really is a training for motherhood.  This little baby  depends on me for everything he needs, he eats what I eat, drinks what I drink, listens to the same songs I listen to.  It will be much of the same thing for a number of years until he’ll be able to fend for himself.

I then wonder how people can still say that there is no Creator after witnessing this marvel of life but I digress. In any case, I am writing again because I have some time on my hands.  After my Tuesday check-up, my OB told me that I was having contractions.  Baby, it seems is quite excited to see the world.  I have 7 weeks to go til he reaches full term so that I have been put on two weeks of bed rest.  To be honest about it, I welcome this respite from work.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my job I really do.  Sometimes though it’s hard to stay optimistic when faced with clients who don’t seem to want to help themselves.  I’m hoping that the 2 weeks away from court will energize me, invigorate me and refresh my frustrated soul.  I pray to the Lord for guidance that I may do my job well and that in so doing I would be contributing to the greater good.  As defender of the accused, I pray that justice may be done, that the innocent be freed and the guilty punished.

As for the next twelve days, I have a lot of planning to do.  This time, I brought my printer home.  I’m giving myself til tomorrow to finish any work related tasks.  Come Saturday, I will start working on the things I have postponed since life got busy.

P.s. I worry too about my GDM (it really sucks having to have insulin twice a day and to monitor my blood sugar before/after every meal but I lift this up to the Lord.  I thank Him for a loving and supportive husband who seems to know how to assuage my fears. All things work out toward the good.  Thank you Lord.

Slowing Down

I’ve always considered myself to be a pretty active person, robust and healthy, if you will. I seldom get sick.  My visits to the hospital have all been due strange little freak accidents.  I was rushed to the er when I was about three after a small portion of my ear was ripped, after getting snagged  by the corner of the sofa table.  When I turned about five, our house underwent some renovation and my toys were piled up on top of several drawers.  I did what any kid would do, climb through the pile of drawers to get my toys.   As luck would have it while making my ascent I just happened to sit on a nail.  There’s not much I remember about my hospital visit except that I bled a lot and urinating was painful for a couple of weeks.  Then there was my encounter with the sewing machine needle when I was twelve.  I just happened to sew into my middle finger breaking the needle in the process.  Again, I needed another trip to the E.R. and I recall my mom telling me to hold my finger tight as the needle particles lodged in my finger would go straight to the my heart. =)

In fact, the only time I’ve been hospitalized was when I got indigestion when I was about five years old.  I was a picky eater and to encourage me to eat, our yaya then had my sister and I engaging in “eating contests”.  I won, not because I ate fast but because I swallowed my food instead of chewing it.  (That by the way is a skill I still have to this day.)  This is why I’ve always believed that my guardian angel looks over me closely.  After all, I survived all those mishaps, didn’t I?

However, I think I must have repressed a lot of those memories, I don’t remember the fear or pain of those visits. That may explain my aversion to hospitals.  While I enjoy visiting hospitals, I don’t like being hospitalized.  I fear medical procedures.  My prayer has always been to be spared a “stint” in the OR.  I guess that’s why despite having a lot of medical professionals in our family (I am married to a nurse, have a sister who’s an OB and another one who’s in 3rd year med aside from the titos, titas and cousins.), I don’t know much about medicine.  I like getting my medical information on a need to know basis. =)

As my pregnancy has progressed,  I have been pysching myself up to accept that I will be spending time in the Delivery Room.  I will have to be admitted.  This is something that will undoubtedly happen.  However, I’ve been hoping to postpone any hospital trips til DDay.  So far, I’ve had a relaxed pregnancy, no morning sickness, no gird, none of those awful conditions often associated with pregnancy.

Also, I’ve managed to work as I did pre-pregnancy.   Day in and day out, I went through 3 flights of stairs (300 steps more or less) at least thrice everyday, hearings on Tuesdays to Fridays, at least 4 jail visits per month, pleadings galore and more.  I felt like one of the lucky ones.  However, we are mere mortals and the human body has its limitations.  Unfortunately, I found this out the hard way.

After a busy week of travelling to Hinigaran, then Iloilo, then hearings on Thursday and Friday, my body succumbed to the stress.  A visit to the DR last Friday night was quite an eye-opener.  I was almost admitted (one of my top ten fears) and was allowed to be treated as an out patient after I made some promises, one of them being an ultrasound the following day.  After the ultrasound where I was seen to have a shorter than desirable cervix, I have been advised to go on bedrest for a week.

I really thought it would be easy but bed rest actually means spending time in bed horizontally.  I found this out when on Day 1 where I thought bed rest included some walking around, my condition didn’t improve.  Since then I’ve been strictly spending time in bed except for bathroom breaks.

I’m just blessed that I have a supportive hubby, family and friends.  I know this is God’s way of reminding me to slow down.  Our baby boy is growing in my tummy and I’m so thankful that his development is going quite well. The doctor said he’s a little acrobat, moving about so much that it was quite impossible to take a photo of his face during the ultrasound.  Hubby and I keep telling him to enjoy his stay in my womb, while we’re excited to hold him in our arms, it would be best if he waited a couple of months more before coming out to the world. =)

I’m off to the ob again in a few hours.  Bless us Lord, help us go through a full term pregnancy and a normal delivery.  Thank you for a wonderful life. Amen.

Soon, Baby, Soon…

It’s August already, in three months, our little boy will be out in the world.  I am filled with excitement, curiosity, happiness and a little apprehension.  I pray that the Lord will continue to protect us..that He will keep our baby healthy and normal and beautiful on the inside and out.   This early, I intercede to the Lord to give him a wonderful life.  Each night, hubby and I pray for the grace to be ready for parenthood, that we may be guided by His hand in our rearing him.  We know it won’t be easy, nothing that is ever worth anything is.  But with the Lord’s guidance and with what we have learned from our own loving parents, we will be good parents to a wonderful little boy.

Like any mother to be, my fears come and go. Every time a horrible scenario crosses my mind, I say a quick prayer to the Lord and ask Him for His grace.

Taking a break from the pleading I have been working on, I’ve been repinning lots of baby photo ideas onto my pinterest account.  I’ve been viewing a lot of DIY stuff that I hope to do when our house is finished.  I wonder what kind of mom I will be. Once again, I am overwhelmed by the blessing of this gift. Thank You Lord for your many blessings. Amen.