A Retelling of Life

faith

Slowing Down

I’ve always considered myself to be a pretty active person, robust and healthy, if you will. I seldom get sick.  My visits to the hospital have all been due strange little freak accidents.  I was rushed to the er when I was about three after a small portion of my ear was ripped, after getting snagged  by the corner of the sofa table.  When I turned about five, our house underwent some renovation and my toys were piled up on top of several drawers.  I did what any kid would do, climb through the pile of drawers to get my toys.   As luck would have it while making my ascent I just happened to sit on a nail.  There’s not much I remember about my hospital visit except that I bled a lot and urinating was painful for a couple of weeks.  Then there was my encounter with the sewing machine needle when I was twelve.  I just happened to sew into my middle finger breaking the needle in the process.  Again, I needed another trip to the E.R. and I recall my mom telling me to hold my finger tight as the needle particles lodged in my finger would go straight to the my heart. =)

In fact, the only time I’ve been hospitalized was when I got indigestion when I was about five years old.  I was a picky eater and to encourage me to eat, our yaya then had my sister and I engaging in “eating contests”.  I won, not because I ate fast but because I swallowed my food instead of chewing it.  (That by the way is a skill I still have to this day.)  This is why I’ve always believed that my guardian angel looks over me closely.  After all, I survived all those mishaps, didn’t I?

However, I think I must have repressed a lot of those memories, I don’t remember the fear or pain of those visits. That may explain my aversion to hospitals.  While I enjoy visiting hospitals, I don’t like being hospitalized.  I fear medical procedures.  My prayer has always been to be spared a “stint” in the OR.  I guess that’s why despite having a lot of medical professionals in our family (I am married to a nurse, have a sister who’s an OB and another one who’s in 3rd year med aside from the titos, titas and cousins.), I don’t know much about medicine.  I like getting my medical information on a need to know basis. =)

As my pregnancy has progressed,  I have been pysching myself up to accept that I will be spending time in the Delivery Room.  I will have to be admitted.  This is something that will undoubtedly happen.  However, I’ve been hoping to postpone any hospital trips til DDay.  So far, I’ve had a relaxed pregnancy, no morning sickness, no gird, none of those awful conditions often associated with pregnancy.

Also, I’ve managed to work as I did pre-pregnancy.   Day in and day out, I went through 3 flights of stairs (300 steps more or less) at least thrice everyday, hearings on Tuesdays to Fridays, at least 4 jail visits per month, pleadings galore and more.  I felt like one of the lucky ones.  However, we are mere mortals and the human body has its limitations.  Unfortunately, I found this out the hard way.

After a busy week of travelling to Hinigaran, then Iloilo, then hearings on Thursday and Friday, my body succumbed to the stress.  A visit to the DR last Friday night was quite an eye-opener.  I was almost admitted (one of my top ten fears) and was allowed to be treated as an out patient after I made some promises, one of them being an ultrasound the following day.  After the ultrasound where I was seen to have a shorter than desirable cervix, I have been advised to go on bedrest for a week.

I really thought it would be easy but bed rest actually means spending time in bed horizontally.  I found this out when on Day 1 where I thought bed rest included some walking around, my condition didn’t improve.  Since then I’ve been strictly spending time in bed except for bathroom breaks.

I’m just blessed that I have a supportive hubby, family and friends.  I know this is God’s way of reminding me to slow down.  Our baby boy is growing in my tummy and I’m so thankful that his development is going quite well. The doctor said he’s a little acrobat, moving about so much that it was quite impossible to take a photo of his face during the ultrasound.  Hubby and I keep telling him to enjoy his stay in my womb, while we’re excited to hold him in our arms, it would be best if he waited a couple of months more before coming out to the world. =)

I’m off to the ob again in a few hours.  Bless us Lord, help us go through a full term pregnancy and a normal delivery.  Thank you for a wonderful life. Amen.

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Rainy Weather Writing

I’m way behind on my deadlines.  This lovely bed weather is my undoing.  Instead of writing, I have been organizing my files, doing the stuff that don’t require much mental activity.

Today is D-day, if I don’t get any writing today, I will have to surrender tomorrow.  Today, I come prepared for battle.  I have a playlist ready, starting with the Jabez album to remind me that I am a servant of the Lord.  All of these things I do is my offering to Him.  Next up will be the full stimulation of my brain via classical music.  Most of all, I have the Lord’s guidance in all that I do.  I will survive today basking in the knowledge that He has my back…that He is looking out for me.

Thank You Lord for a wonderful life. =) God bless us all today.


Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

On this cold Saturday evening, I am on a date with myself.  The renovation of mom’s ancestral home is done and the rents are off to Bais for the blessing of the house.  I volunteered to accompany them but apparently the road trip to Bais won’t be good for me in my current condition.  Meanwhile, hubby has ER duty so he’s mandated that I stay home for the weekend.  Which reminds me, I’ll be needing a medical certificate to get on the fast craft next time.  Airlines and shipping companies are oh so careful these days.

I like the stillness of these moments.  I welcome the introspection that accompanies the silence, it’s like I’m a bystander in my own life, seeing it through the eyes of a stranger.  In my rush to meet deadlines, I  haven’t had much time to feel thankful..to be thankful.  I thank you Lord for helping me get through everyday.  I get a little exasperated at the clients at  times.  There are times when I don’t want to care, so I don’t have to try harder.  But I want to do good by them Lord and I thank you for giving me the strength to carry on.  I don’t know how I’m able to manage it all when all I seem to want to do at 6pm is sleep, when I’m always so exhausted..but somehow things are working out.  I know I owe it to You Lord.  Thank you for being there for me all day, all the time.

There’s so much I still have to do Lord, so much to learn.  “Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” (Prayer of Jabez)  Thank you for a beautiful life Lord. Amen.


Next Showing: The Island of the Gods

I have my permit to travel, our Garuda flight has been moved back to its original schedule, and all our tours are coming into place.  In 11 days, hubby and I will be going on our first real honeymoon.  Last year wasn’t really one since when we bought our tickets to Sing, we didn’t know yet, that we were getting married.  We traveled with my Mom, friends and a friend’s tita.  It was fun of course, but in a rowdy sort of way.

This time we are taking it slow.  We won’t be pushing ourselves to finish up all the sites.  This time it will be about reflection and introspection.  I’m blessed because hubby is a history buff as I am.  He likes visiting temples as I do..Our trips have always been about getting to know the culture of a country, befriending the locals, stumbling into quaint restaurants, and finding those serendipitous moments that new adventures bring.

This may be our last DIY backpacking trip in a long time after all.  We’re welcoming a new person in our lives and that necessarily brings change.  We don’t mind.  We are ready for a different kind of adventure but we just have to have this one last one. 😀

In closing, I just have to say that my heart is so full these days.  I am a child of God and I am blessed.  Thank you Lord, for everything.


Off to Dreamland

There’s this silent short cartoon that remains strongly entrenched in my memory. It begins with a little girl and a little boy sitting by a table with their mom. They’re in tattered clothes but they’re oblivious to their poverty. They heartily share a hard bun and dip it water, imagining the liquid to be milk while their mom worriedly looks on. They’re happy despite their circumstances.

Then the cartoon moves to a dream sequence. The children are seen walking on clouds and having their heart’s desires…

And then, my memory fails me. I can’t recall what happens next… I’ll have to search the net and hope someone uploaded that clip sometime ago.

The moral of the story remains with me though, we can’t let our circumstances defeat us. We are not what our circumstances make us.

Every man has the capacity to reach his dreams.  All it takes is faith, faith in God and faith in one’s self.
After all, life is a journey, a journey involving great leaps of faith.


Who Am I

Restlessness.  This isn’t an entirely new feeling.  All through my life there have been moments when I’ve wondered “who am I”, when I’ve questioned the value of living, when I’ve felt a little lost.  The irony is that it is in these moments that I’ve felt closest to the Lord.

Earlier this evening, we began talking about a dear friend who passed away a few years ago.  In my restlessness, I remember him and the afternoons we spent talking about life and what we could all do to make a difference.  I was forever listless in college.  There was something that seemed missing in my life, I rushed from one activity to the other in a frenzied attempt to find meaning in my existence.  I always envied him the sense of peace he had about life.  He  lived exuberantly but with a simple grace that drew people in.  Whenever we talked, I felt renewed..somehow, I knew I had a lot to offer the world and that one day, I would find myself, become the person I was meant to be.

His greatest legacy to me was an mp3 track of a song he sent me through ym.  It has since become my battle cry.  Whenever I feel lost, I listen to this song and am comforted.  No matter what, the Lord loves me.  I trust in His plans for me.  With him, there is nothing I should fear.

“Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart?

Not because of who I am,
But because of what You’ve done.
Not because of what I’ve done,
But because of who You are

[Chorus]
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I’m calling,
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling.
And You’ve told me who I am,
I am Yours.

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again?
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me?

Not because of who I am,
But because of what You’ve done.
Not because of what I’ve done,
But because of who You are

Chorus

I am Yours.

I am Yours.
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
‘Cause I am Yours,
I am Yours.”

“Who Am I” by Casting Crows


A Honeymoon with the Lord

Hubby and I just graduated from our Marriage Encounter Weekend. I’m tired and happily exhausted from all the eating, writing, laughing, dancing and crying we did. (I will not go so far as to spoil the surprise by revealing the details of the M.E.) In the words of hubby, it was “a blast, although of an emotional and spiritual nature”.

I was awed by the different faces of love at the M.E. Indeed, love transcends distance, age, race and even religion. Hubby and I have been changed forever. It is our hope that we will be able to live out what we learned during the M.E. We hope that with the Lord as our partner, we can make our marriage even BETTER. =)

1 Corinthians 13:13 says “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”


The Tao of Success

Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more commonplace than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is a proverb. Education alone will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and Determination alone are omnipotent. –  Calvin Coolidge


A Daring Adventure

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.  To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.” Helen Keller

I remember reading a book where the writer espoused the view that inspiration isn’t found, it is not something you look for.  He said that inspiration is something inside you, it is something that comes from within.  Today, I awakened to the truth of that statement.

All my life, I have been a restless soul.  For so long, I’ve been so worried about not having figured things out, about not knowing what I want from life.  I’ve fretted about dying before finding my real and all-consuming passion.  Recently though, I’ve found myself inspired by life itself, by the strength of love, by the enduring bonds of family, by the beauty that seems to abound in everyone I meet.  I don’t know if this will last.  This feeling of knowing that everything will be right in the world, that things may not be perfect now and they never will be, but that eventually, the imperfections won’t matter at all.

I thank the Lord for taking me on this journey.  It’s has been one thrilling adventure after another.  I haven’t been spared the hurts and tears that come with a journey but I have also been blessed with joyous moments and loving memories.  After 30 years, my heart is finally at peace. =) Indeed, life is beautiful.  =)


Too Much On My Plate?

The entire day, I’ve been glued to my PC, storing DIY templates, bookmarking websites on US constitutional Law and surveying the records on my desk.  I have accomplished a little of something, so all is not lost. 🙂

I’m that type of person.  When fixing my room, I spend a few minutes on cleaning and hours rereading magazines, books and letters that I’m supposed to put in order.    Or I begin one task and then, before finishing, move to another.  To sum it up, my problem has always been finishing projects.  Not all projects in particular, but projects with no deadlines.

I had no problem with school or the bar or even lawyering because there were time periods I had to meet.  Now, I am in control of my time.  Time is a luxury I enjoy and it is something I haven’t been able to control–yet.

 

I am trying to change that though.  I am married now.  Although, we still are in a long distance relationship, we are a legal “us”.  That means that we have to make plans, set deadlines for our goals.  It means going beyond our adventures and making day to day decisions.  It means getting the “fun” us to also do some “serious” time.  I know that it’s early days yet and there’ll be more adjustments to make in the future.  Like hubby is sick with fever now.  I want to visit him but can’t because I have work here.  😦

I am confident though that the Lord is looking out for us.  Stay tuned, life will only get better. 🙂