Yesterday, I flew home at 4’o clock in the morning. I was so sleepy that despite my clogged nose and itchy throat, I fell asleep the moment I sat on my seat in the plane. Next thing I knew, we were in flight and the attendants were serving food to us.
Then, my left ear popped. I could feel it happening, a gradual buildup of pressure in my ear drums until one ear popped. My hands got clammy. I felt like it would be a repeat of my July flight experience when my blood pressure went up as 150 over 90. I calmed myself, prayed, invoked the Lord’s help. My inside voice talked to my body, assuring it that the worst that could happen was the loss of one ear’s hearing. There was nothing to fear. Fortunately, my body listened and I calmed down. For the rest of the flight I just sang silently, leaning on God’s sustaining grace.
I am turning 38 years old in a few days. I tell myself that this must be why I have new fears. The adventurous Valerie who could climb cliffs and dive into waterfalls is gone. I never used to overthink trips, I never used to consider that something could just go awry. Now, I do. I am not as spontaneous as I used to be. In order to be a better wife and mother I have had to change, I have had to learn to plan, prepare plans B and C.
I worry about this new change but I have to embrace this new me and learn to manage the accompanying side effects of becoming a planner. I realize now though that even if I become a planner, I should plan keeping in mind that I am not in control of things. Yes, plan hard and the surrender it all to the Lord knowing that His plans are far better than our own. As I write this, I take a deep breath. This is my new mantra, prepare for the worst and expect that the best things are going to happen.
Indeed, all things happen for a reason. I haven’t written in a long time. In part, because life has been good. Mom is in a good place now health-wise. Daddy too. I love my job, I can imagine myself doing what I do for a long time. My little family is all that I have ever prayed for and more. I have a doting, loving husband, a talkative, creative but stubborn almost 6 year old son and a sweet, precious one year old son. Life with them is a joy. We have enough, a house and car that are just right for our needs, dependable helpers plus lolo and lola live next door to us. I realize now that I shouldn’t abandon this. This is essential to my emotional health. So thank you Lord for leading me back to this place of comfort and introspection.
“May the God of peace…equip you with every thing good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever.” Hebrew 13:20-21
I’m way behind on my deadlines. This lovely bed weather is my undoing. Instead of writing, I have been organizing my files, doing the stuff that don’t require much mental activity.
Today is D-day, if I don’t get any writing today, I will have to surrender tomorrow. Today, I come prepared for battle. I have a playlist ready, starting with the Jabez album to remind me that I am a servant of the Lord. All of these things I do is my offering to Him. Next up will be the full stimulation of my brain via classical music. Most of all, I have the Lord’s guidance in all that I do. I will survive today basking in the knowledge that He has my back…that He is looking out for me.
Thank You Lord for a wonderful life. =) God bless us all today.