Changes
It has been 2 months since Daddy passed away. We are still struggling to find a new normal. I kid you not when I say, the hurt doesn’t go away. It is still there, a gnawing in your heart that tears you up at a mere sight of a photo or of a scene that evokes a memory of him. As the eldest, there are days when I am flummoxed on how to proceed. I am the blunt one, the one who says the jokes that are half-meant , jokes that family members see through because they are not even cleverly-designed as jokes. So recently, a joke of mine led to waterworks and hurt and I felt so lost. Daddy would have intervened, seen through the cause of the hurt and made things alright again.
He loved people, got to know their stories and genuinely cared about them. He took steps to make the lives of people he cared for better. He was a man of action, of singular purpose and so so humble despite all he had achieved in life. He was generous in all things.
Daddy loved us so dearly and was so much a part of our daily lives that the gaping hole in our hearts that he left sometime feels insurmountable. We can only try to do our best to live up to his legacy and hold on to the beautiful and priceless memories. My joke reminded me that we can’t expect mommy to be both mom and dad for us. She too is dealing with the pain of being without her soulmate, her sweetheart. The least we can do is to be there for her and not expect her to be like Daddy. Nothing is ever going to be the same again. This is something we all siblings have to accept and embrace. We all have a little of Daddy in us. If we embrace that part of him in us and fulfill the role he used to fill, our family will be whole again. I am confident though that with God’s help and Daddy’s guidance we will get there.
I love you Lord, thank you for my beautiful family. Amen.
Life with Raymund and Valerie 