A Retelling of Life


A Celebration of Life

Life is precious. It is beautiful and what better way to celebrate life than with a party.

Last Saturday, my sisters organized a shower for me, in celebration of our coming baby boy.  Hubby and I were overwhelmed by the warmth and love that surrounded us.  In the company of family and friends, we rejoiced in  the presence of this little one in me.  We pray that all will be well and sometime in November, we’ll be holding a healthy, happy and normal baby boy in our arms.

Like any mother to be, I have moments when my mind is riddled with doubts and my heart is filled with fears.  I worry that I may not know how to be a good mother.  I haven’t even changed a baby’s diaper! We’ve been without small babies in the family and it doesn’t help that we’re isolated from our other relatives (Yup, my parents  moved away from the rest of their siblings for work and found home in Bacolod.)  =) I know that books will only get you so far and it’s the actual experience that’s necessary.

That said, I know  that I have hubby (who’s a nurse), my two sisters and brother in law (a nurse, an OB res and a pedia, respectively), my mom and parents-in-law to help me embrace motherhood.  More importantly, I have the Lord guiding me through this journey.  I cast all my cares upon You Lord. Quiet my heart and grant me the grace to have faith in your wisdom. Amen.

p.s. Just some pictures from the party.

Final Stretch

I’m 30 weeks pregnant!  I imagine him raising his arms and legs, testing them out and discovering what he else he can already do.  Some days I wake up to his little kicks and say a little prayer of thanks to the Lord.  Indeed, pregnancy really is a training for motherhood.  This little baby  depends on me for everything he needs, he eats what I eat, drinks what I drink, listens to the same songs I listen to.  It will be much of the same thing for a number of years until he’ll be able to fend for himself.

I then wonder how people can still say that there is no Creator after witnessing this marvel of life but I digress. In any case, I am writing again because I have some time on my hands.  After my Tuesday check-up, my OB told me that I was having contractions.  Baby, it seems is quite excited to see the world.  I have 7 weeks to go til he reaches full term so that I have been put on two weeks of bed rest.  To be honest about it, I welcome this respite from work.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my job I really do.  Sometimes though it’s hard to stay optimistic when faced with clients who don’t seem to want to help themselves.  I’m hoping that the 2 weeks away from court will energize me, invigorate me and refresh my frustrated soul.  I pray to the Lord for guidance that I may do my job well and that in so doing I would be contributing to the greater good.  As defender of the accused, I pray that justice may be done, that the innocent be freed and the guilty punished.

As for the next twelve days, I have a lot of planning to do.  This time, I brought my printer home.  I’m giving myself til tomorrow to finish any work related tasks.  Come Saturday, I will start working on the things I have postponed since life got busy.

P.s. I worry too about my GDM (it really sucks having to have insulin twice a day and to monitor my blood sugar before/after every meal but I lift this up to the Lord.  I thank Him for a loving and supportive husband who seems to know how to assuage my fears. All things work out toward the good.  Thank you Lord.

Slowing Down

I’ve always considered myself to be a pretty active person, robust and healthy, if you will. I seldom get sick.  My visits to the hospital have all been due strange little freak accidents.  I was rushed to the er when I was about three after a small portion of my ear was ripped, after getting snagged  by the corner of the sofa table.  When I turned about five, our house underwent some renovation and my toys were piled up on top of several drawers.  I did what any kid would do, climb through the pile of drawers to get my toys.   As luck would have it while making my ascent I just happened to sit on a nail.  There’s not much I remember about my hospital visit except that I bled a lot and urinating was painful for a couple of weeks.  Then there was my encounter with the sewing machine needle when I was twelve.  I just happened to sew into my middle finger breaking the needle in the process.  Again, I needed another trip to the E.R. and I recall my mom telling me to hold my finger tight as the needle particles lodged in my finger would go straight to the my heart. =)

In fact, the only time I’ve been hospitalized was when I got indigestion when I was about five years old.  I was a picky eater and to encourage me to eat, our yaya then had my sister and I engaging in “eating contests”.  I won, not because I ate fast but because I swallowed my food instead of chewing it.  (That by the way is a skill I still have to this day.)  This is why I’ve always believed that my guardian angel looks over me closely.  After all, I survived all those mishaps, didn’t I?

However, I think I must have repressed a lot of those memories, I don’t remember the fear or pain of those visits. That may explain my aversion to hospitals.  While I enjoy visiting hospitals, I don’t like being hospitalized.  I fear medical procedures.  My prayer has always been to be spared a “stint” in the OR.  I guess that’s why despite having a lot of medical professionals in our family (I am married to a nurse, have a sister who’s an OB and another one who’s in 3rd year med aside from the titos, titas and cousins.), I don’t know much about medicine.  I like getting my medical information on a need to know basis. =)

As my pregnancy has progressed,  I have been pysching myself up to accept that I will be spending time in the Delivery Room.  I will have to be admitted.  This is something that will undoubtedly happen.  However, I’ve been hoping to postpone any hospital trips til DDay.  So far, I’ve had a relaxed pregnancy, no morning sickness, no gird, none of those awful conditions often associated with pregnancy.

Also, I’ve managed to work as I did pre-pregnancy.   Day in and day out, I went through 3 flights of stairs (300 steps more or less) at least thrice everyday, hearings on Tuesdays to Fridays, at least 4 jail visits per month, pleadings galore and more.  I felt like one of the lucky ones.  However, we are mere mortals and the human body has its limitations.  Unfortunately, I found this out the hard way.

After a busy week of travelling to Hinigaran, then Iloilo, then hearings on Thursday and Friday, my body succumbed to the stress.  A visit to the DR last Friday night was quite an eye-opener.  I was almost admitted (one of my top ten fears) and was allowed to be treated as an out patient after I made some promises, one of them being an ultrasound the following day.  After the ultrasound where I was seen to have a shorter than desirable cervix, I have been advised to go on bedrest for a week.

I really thought it would be easy but bed rest actually means spending time in bed horizontally.  I found this out when on Day 1 where I thought bed rest included some walking around, my condition didn’t improve.  Since then I’ve been strictly spending time in bed except for bathroom breaks.

I’m just blessed that I have a supportive hubby, family and friends.  I know this is God’s way of reminding me to slow down.  Our baby boy is growing in my tummy and I’m so thankful that his development is going quite well. The doctor said he’s a little acrobat, moving about so much that it was quite impossible to take a photo of his face during the ultrasound.  Hubby and I keep telling him to enjoy his stay in my womb, while we’re excited to hold him in our arms, it would be best if he waited a couple of months more before coming out to the world. =)

I’m off to the ob again in a few hours.  Bless us Lord, help us go through a full term pregnancy and a normal delivery.  Thank you for a wonderful life. Amen.

Soon, Baby, Soon…

It’s August already, in three months, our little boy will be out in the world.  I am filled with excitement, curiosity, happiness and a little apprehension.  I pray that the Lord will continue to protect us..that He will keep our baby healthy and normal and beautiful on the inside and out.   This early, I intercede to the Lord to give him a wonderful life.  Each night, hubby and I pray for the grace to be ready for parenthood, that we may be guided by His hand in our rearing him.  We know it won’t be easy, nothing that is ever worth anything is.  But with the Lord’s guidance and with what we have learned from our own loving parents, we will be good parents to a wonderful little boy.

Like any mother to be, my fears come and go. Every time a horrible scenario crosses my mind, I say a quick prayer to the Lord and ask Him for His grace.

Taking a break from the pleading I have been working on, I’ve been repinning lots of baby photo ideas onto my pinterest account.  I’ve been viewing a lot of DIY stuff that I hope to do when our house is finished.  I wonder what kind of mom I will be. Once again, I am overwhelmed by the blessing of this gift. Thank You Lord for your many blessings. Amen.

Cross Examination and the Velveteen Rabbit

Whew! I had to cross-examine two witnesses today.  I’m hoping that I was able to raise doubts and I’ll leave it at that.

In the stress that followed that marathon hearing, I now sit and ponder on the books that I recently bought from Booksale. These are the things that bring me absolute joy.  I spent two hours browsing through a pile that they were supposed to pull out for storage at the warehouse.  The two hour search yielded “The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Williams, “The Tale of Peter Rabbit” by Beatrix Potter, “The Teddy Bear” by David McPhail, “On the Day You Were Born” by Debra Frasier, “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” by Judith Viorst, “Winnie the Pooh” by A.A. Milne, “The Moon Came Down On Milk St.” by Jean Gralley and a host of other books, all at Php25! (That’s approximately .50UScents). I actually bought a total of 20 children’s books. Haha. (Talk about an overkill).

My parents raised me with the help of books. 🙂  Our mongrel dog was even named Babar, after Babar, the Elephant King.  My younger sister and I looked forward to hearing the tales of beautiful princesses, brave tailors, handsome princes or Bible heroes before our bedtime. It was the highlight of our day.

Suffice it to say that I grew up fond of books but that fondness became a full grown love affair when I turned 7 years old.  I transferred schools when I was in Grade 2.  It was a harrowing experience for a little kid.  I was plucked from classmates I’d grown up with, who played with  a “game and watch” gadget fashioned with paper, who chased each other ala “Dayuhan” and was enrolled in a new school with classmates who had the latest Fisher-Price toys and who had more than one Barbie.  It wasn’t easy being the outsider.  The usual bullies made my life difficult (Although, I must admit I can’t actually recall what they actually did to me 🙂  In the library, I found a home and in the pages of the books I found characters that inspired me to dream and to imagine.  I found the courage to approach every situation with positivity from my favorite characters.  Enid Blyton’s Fabulous Five taught me to embrace adventure, Nancy Drew showed me that using your smarts and keeping your wits about you would get you through any scrape, The Little Prince taught me about compassion and love, the Little Misses and the Little Men showed me that no one is perfect, we are fine just the way we are.

Eventually, I found a new best friend in my new school.  She loved books as much as I did and together we would spend hours in the library with our beloved friends.  Sometime later, I  found myself happily adjusted to my new school..but the love I found in that library has never left my heart.

Soon, hubby and I will be welcoming a little boy.  While other moms-to-be are busy buying baby clothes and the like, I am busy scouring bookstores for my favorite childhood reads. =) I hope to introduce him to my dear friends.  I pray that through their adventures, he too will view life with wonder, that blessed with a vivid imagination, he will dream wonderful dreams and have the courage to achieve them.

Thank You Lord for the gift of reading. =)

Excerpt of Velveteen Rabbit culled from http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/williams/rabbit/rabbit.html

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

“I suppose you are real?” said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

The Skin Horse Tells His Story

“The Boy’s Uncle made me Real,” he said. “That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

Wee Sing in Sillyville

It’s lunchtime.  After a morning of discussing the probability of an approved plea bargaining agreement and the preparation and filing of proposals for my clients, (Sadly, most of the accused cannot afford to post bail and will opt to plead guilty and avail of probation to escape detention)  I reward myself by listening to the  harmonious tunes of Disney classics and begin thinking of my childhood.  I grew up on nursery rhymes, fairy tales and Disney flicks.  We had the kind of household that encouraged learning, books were in abundance and we had cassette tapes of our favorite kiddie tunes to lull us to sleep.  Our favorite cartoon characters were made even more alive by the drawings Mom would make for us while Daddy took our imagination to new heights with tales of adventures told every bedtime.

Hubby and I hope to make such a home for our child.  I am truly excited at the prospect of introducing him or her to the tales of my childhood, to teach him or her about the strength of the elephant king Babar, the stories of the courageous and kindhearted  Madeline, the silly and fun adventures of Dr. Seus.

I continue to thank the Lord for this blessing.  We have about five more months to go.  Hubby and I haven’t gotten things in order yet but we trust that the Lord will guide us.  When the time comes, we will be ready.  In my heart of hearts, I whisper a prayer of thanks for this gift.